LOST

I have a buddy who recently posed an interesting question. “If you could put a group of people on a plane that would crash on a deserted island and be lost forever, whom would you choose?”

Here is my list:

Nancy Pelosi
“Saving the world” at everyone else’s expense, both literally ($$$) and figuratively.

Kanye West
I don’t dislike you because I’m a racist. I dislike you because you’re an idiot.

Britax
You can’t make a car seat that costs less than $400? And you had to show that child safety video that made Nikki cry in the middle of Baby’s R’ Us, didn’t you?

Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland
Feel free to keep singing, but please don’t make us watch your face. Are you constipated, confused, in pain? What is it?

Dane Cook
Even I can appreciate the occasional well-placed F-bomb, but dropping it every third word isn’t funny. Know what else isn’t funny? Stealing jokes from other comedians.

The Creators of Olive Garden Commercials
Earth to you: people who visit your restaurant don’t sit around and make G-rated jokes about how someone in their dinner party can’t resist your delicious food. Stop insulting our intelligence.

Nickelback and their Clones (Staind, 3 Doors Down, Daughtry)
Seriously, enough is enough… The only thing than worse than your smoker voices is your fabricated angst. Who listens to this crap, anyway? Maybe it’s the fifth-graders who are writing your lyrics. And I thought the world would have learned its lesson with Creed.

Michael Moore
Distorting the truth one cheeseburger at a time.

Kobe Bryant
Hug your kids in front of the camera. Kiss your wife. Try to make us think you’re a good guy. But we still remember what you did back in 2003.

UDOT Workers
Tell me why it takes more than two full years to put in an exit at 114th South? Here’s an idea: have more than one person work at a time.

Keith Olberman
At least pretend to be unbiased when reporting “the news”.

Jay Leno
Conan got screwed, and you’re still not funny.